His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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