He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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