Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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