i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
