bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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