I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
