And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
