Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
