Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I need to stop coming to work sober
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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