ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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