dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
