Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
