I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
