I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
