Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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(616): View more from Michigan

I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...

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(516): View more from New York

On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?

(201): View more from New Jersey

Strong 6

(516): View more from New York

That's an oxymoron.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.

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(702): View more from Nevada

You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy

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(512): View more from Texas

I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position

(1-512): View more from Texas

I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.

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(301): View more from Maryland

people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?

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(440): View more from Ohio

If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.

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