I wish I could punch you in the face.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
