In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
