I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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