My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish i was in the wii world.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
