Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
