I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
