I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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