Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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