This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
