so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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