Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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