ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
