i just google imaged poop.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
