Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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