i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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