now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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