yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
