You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
