just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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