Why are handjobs necessary in class?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
