There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
