wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's shark week go big or go home
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
