The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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