Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Randomize
