she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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