That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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