bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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