All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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