So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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