i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
