did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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