I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
