i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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