It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
