There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
