Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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