I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
