we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
